How Hitting Rock Bottom Became the Catalyst for Finding My Life’s Purpose

You know that feeling when you are going through the motions every single day, showing up to work, smiling at the right moments, saying the right things, but something inside you is screaming that this is not it? That there has to be more? I lived in that space for years. And I convinced myself it was fine. Until it very clearly was not.

January 2014 was when the curtain finally fell. I had just gone through a heartbreak that leveled me. My body was falling apart in ways I had never experienced. And the low-grade depression I had been dragging around like a security blanket had officially stopped doing its job. The only thing still functioning was my career, and even that felt hollow. I would drive home from work every day, cry the entire way, curl into a ball for hours, and repeat. That was my life. And the worst part was not the pain itself. It was the terrifying realization that I had no idea what I was living for.

Here is what nobody tells you about purpose: sometimes you have to completely lose the plot before you can find it. Sometimes the life you built has to crumble so that the life you were actually meant for has room to exist.

The Morning I Chose a Direction

I will never forget waking up one morning and hearing a voice in my head, quiet but unmistakable: You can choose to live or die.

That is not poetic exaggeration. Those genuinely felt like my only two options. And I was closer to the darker one than I would like to admit. But something in me, some stubborn, buried part of my soul, chose to say yes. Not a tentative, I-will-try-harder yes. A full-bodied, I-am-done-existing-without-meaning yes.

What I did not understand at the time was that this was not just a survival instinct kicking in. It was a purpose instinct. Research from the American Psychological Association shows that resilience is not some fixed trait you either have or you do not. It is built through intentional behaviors, thoughts, and actions. That morning, without any grand plan, I started building. I did not know what I was building toward. I just knew I was done standing still.

And that is something I want you to sit with, because I think we overcomplicate purpose. We think it has to arrive as a fully formed vision board with a five-year plan attached. But sometimes purpose starts as nothing more than a refusal to keep living a life that makes you miserable. That refusal is the seed. Everything else grows from there.

When Your Body Forces You to Change Direction

Around this time, I attended a Tony Robbins event. It was electric. Genuinely transformative energy in that room. And yet I walked away knowing I could not implement a single thing I had learned. I wanted to change. I was desperate to change. But something invisible was blocking me, and I could not figure out what it was. It was like having a map to the treasure and discovering your legs do not work.

But one thing did shift, and it shifted fast. I went vegan almost overnight (vegetarian if you count the milk chocolate chips I was still clinging to daily, but close enough). No meat, no fish, no eggs. And here is the part that surprised me: it was not just a food decision. It was a purpose decision. I was choosing, for the first time, to treat my body like it mattered. Like it was worth investing in. Like the vessel carrying me through life deserved better than what I had been feeding it.

What I did not have the language for then was this: when you are disconnected from your purpose, you tend to numb. Food, scrolling, overworking, whatever your flavor is. You fill the void with things that require nothing from you. Changing what I ate was the first time I actively chose nourishment over numbness. And that tiny shift in behavior started rewiring something much bigger in my brain. It taught me that I was capable of making decisions that served my future self, not just my present pain.

Finding the People Who Help You Find Yourself

Then came David and Heather, the founders of Zen Rose Garden. They became my reiki healers, life coaches, energy workers, and hypnotherapists. And I say this with zero exaggeration: I would not be writing this today without them.

Now, I know what you might be thinking. Reiki? Shamans? Energy healing? What does any of this have to do with finding your purpose? Everything. Because here is the thing nobody talks about when they tell you to “follow your passion” or “find your calling.” You cannot hear your purpose when your nervous system is screaming. You cannot access clarity when your body is storing decades of unprocessed pain. Harvard Health has documented the powerful gut-brain connection, showing how emotional distress manifests physically in very real, very measurable ways. My body was a warehouse of unexpressed grief, and it was drowning out every signal my intuition tried to send.

The work I did with David and Heather was brutal. I will not romanticize it. Every emotion I had stuffed down as a child, every hurt I had swallowed as a teenager, every heartbreak I had buried as a young adult came roaring to the surface. Arthritis flared. Gut issues returned. Hormonal chaos. My body was purging years of stored pain, and it was not pretty.

But on the other side of that pain? Clarity. For the first time in my life, I could hear myself think without the static of old wounds interfering. And that is when purpose started to reveal itself, not as a career goal or a business plan, but as a deep, grounded knowing of what mattered to me and why.

Going Deeper Than You Think You Need To

There were two points during my healing work where I felt compelled to go further, and I ended up working with a shaman. And before you raise an eyebrow, yes, there are a lot of self-proclaimed shamans out there. I was fortunate to find a legitimate one.

The sessions were mind-blowing. I honestly cannot tell you exactly what happened. What I can tell you is that my mind and body released things I did not even know I was holding. For three weeks after each session, I experienced intense emotional and physical purging followed by a lightness I had never felt before. A Psychology Today overview notes that many people report profound shifts in emotional well-being after shamanic sessions, and my experience lines up with that completely.

Here is why this matters for purpose: you do not realize how heavy your invisible baggage is until you set it down. I had been trying to figure out my calling, my direction, my reason for being here, while carrying the emotional equivalent of a loaded freight truck. No wonder I could not move forward. No wonder every attempt at change felt like pushing a boulder uphill. The weight had to go first.

How Food Became Fuel for Purpose

As my emotional world cleared, something fascinating happened with my eating. I stopped craving the heavy, numbing foods I had relied on for years. My body started asking for lighter things. Cleaner things. Fruit, specifically, became my thing.

I used to keep a bar of chocolate on my bedside table and eat it first thing in the morning. That is not a joke. That was my actual life. Today, I crave fruit the way I used to crave sugar. And here is the connection that took me years to make: what you feed your body directly affects your ability to think clearly, make decisions, and stay connected to the work that matters to you. When I was numbing myself with food, I was also numbing my ambition, my creativity, my drive. When I started nourishing myself intentionally, those things came back online.

I am not here to tell you what to eat. But I am here to tell you that the fog you feel around your purpose might not be a motivation problem. It might be a fuel problem.

Purpose Is Not a Destination (It Is How You Navigate)

So is my journey done? The deep excavation work, yes. But the building? That is ongoing, and honestly, that is the part I love. I still learn. I still grow. I still hit situations that test me. Recently, the universe threw me a curveball right after I came back on a high from another Tony Robbins event. What would have flattened me years ago only knocked me sideways. I swayed, but I did not fall.

And that is the real shift. Purpose does not mean you never struggle again. It means you have the tools to navigate the struggle without losing yourself in it. It means that when hard things happen (and they will), you have a foundation that holds.

Your Purpose Is Already Trying to Reach You

One of the most powerful things I have learned is that purpose is not something you go out and find. It is something that has been trying to reach you all along, buried under the noise of pain, self-doubt, numbness, and survival mode. Your only job is to clear the interference.

Whatever vision you carry in your mind for your life, the career you want, the impact you want to make, the way you want to feel when you wake up in the morning, that vision is not random. It exists because it is possible for you. Yes, you will have to do uncomfortable work to get there. Yes, it will hurt sometimes. But living without purpose hurts more. It just hurts quieter.

So if you are reading this and something in you is stirring, pay attention to that. It is not nothing. It is everything. Your purpose is not lost. It is waiting for you to be ready to hear it.

Frequently Asked Questions

How do you find your purpose when you feel completely lost?

Purpose rarely arrives as a sudden revelation. It usually starts with a decision to stop tolerating a life that feels empty. Begin by paying attention to what consistently bothers you about your current situation and what activities make you lose track of time. Those signals, even small ones, are breadcrumbs leading you toward more meaningful work and living. You do not need the whole picture to take the first step.

Can emotional healing actually help you find career direction?

Yes. Unprocessed emotional pain creates mental fog, chronic stress, and decision paralysis, all of which make it nearly impossible to think clearly about your future. When you address stored trauma and emotional baggage, you free up mental and emotional bandwidth. Many people report a newfound clarity about their goals and direction after doing deep emotional work, because the noise that was drowning out their inner compass finally quiets down.

What does diet have to do with finding your purpose?

More than most people realize. What you eat directly affects your brain chemistry, energy levels, and ability to focus. When you rely on food as a numbing mechanism, you dull the very mental clarity you need to make meaningful life decisions. Shifting toward nourishing, whole foods can improve cognitive function, stabilize mood, and help you access the creative and strategic thinking that purpose-driven work requires.

Is it normal to feel like you are getting worse before things improve?

Absolutely. When you start doing real inner work, whether through therapy, coaching, or energy healing, buried emotions and old patterns surface before they release. This can feel like a setback, but it is actually a sign that deep change is happening. Many healing traditions and psychological frameworks recognize this as a “healing crisis,” a temporary intensification that precedes meaningful transformation.

How do you stay motivated when the journey to finding purpose feels painfully slow?

The key is shifting your definition of progress. Purpose is not a finish line you cross. It is a way of moving through life with intention. Celebrate the small shifts: the moment you set a boundary, the day you made a decision that honored your future self, the week you chose nourishment over numbing. Those micro-decisions compound over time and they are evidence that you are already on the path, even when it does not feel like it.

Do you need a healer or coach to find your purpose, or can you do it alone?

You can absolutely begin the journey on your own through journaling, reading, meditation, and honest self-reflection. However, having a skilled guide, whether that is a therapist, coach, or healer, can dramatically accelerate the process. They see blind spots you cannot see yourself and provide tools for navigating the emotional terrain that surfaces. Think of it like having a GPS versus wandering with no map. Both can eventually get you there, but one is significantly more efficient.