Why He Doesn’t Seem Interested? (Even Though He Is)

Is it true that all men should go for what they want?

Not always, friend. And honestly, it’s this exact contradiction that seems to frustrate so many of us. We just don’t understand why he doesn’t seem interested, even though-deep down in our intuition-it feels like he is.

Most of us rely on texting in the beginning just to see if we feel any spark or genuine interest towards a new partner. But let’s be real, rarely does it seem that anyone is dating in the traditional sense anymore.

We’re hanging out, getting together, and getting ourselves into some pretty complicated situations. Sometimes things just get confusing because the guy we are crushing on doesn’t seem that interested in us.

But why does he still stick around then?

Here is the thing, ladies – we often forget that men go through difficult emotional situations just as we do. They aren’t robots! They are not exempt from getting hurt, being afraid, or even having baggage that prevents them from fully moving on in a new relationship.

We have to remember that men are, still to this day, not expected to show their emotions as freely as we do. Even though we say we are looking for the “divine masculine,” rarely do we stop to consider that person might feel things just as deeply and messily as we do.

I’d love to know – have you ever felt a guy pulling away just when things were getting good? Let me know in the comments if this resonates with you!

Some men are terrified of getting hurt again, so they create emotional distance (often unconsciously) just to feel safe.

They usually do this by communicating infrequently or planning dates sporadically. Usually, with guys like this, it is totally normal to see breaks or space between dates even after having a wonderful time together.

When we experience these breaks, we often take it personally, assuming he’s not interested. But the truth is, sometimes men need to step back and just breathe. They may need to move slower. While they may not always communicate it verbally, distance from a man doesn’t always mean he’s checking out.

Let’s ask ourselves, ladies: “Do I even have room in my life for love right now?”

I don’t know how many times I’ve talked to lovely women who say they want a man to be x,y,z and to do x,y,z, but they aren’t even ready to step up to the plate to meet this “perfect” man.

If you know you are ready to commit and have been seeing a man who is giving you mixed signals, here are some reasons he might not seem interested, even though he is:

1. Sometimes men can sense our readiness and ability to open up depending on where we are in our journey. If we are sending out a heavy “I need this” vibe, men will often distance themselves.

They don’t always act like they’re not interested because they aren’t, lady. Sometimes it’s because men don’t think we’re looking for the same thing, or they fear they aren’t ready for what we want from a partner.

2. While healthy communication is an essential ingredient for any relationship, especially a new one, it is something that you can’t force.

In a solid relationship, we hope to be able to tell our partners when we are triggered. But in a new relationship, especially with a man who seems half out the door, casualness is often your best bet. This isn’t about lying or being someone other than who we are! It’s just that often, the more pressure a man feels in the beginning, the less he will engage with a particular woman.

Quick question for you lovely ladies – do you find it hard to play it cool when you really like someone? It’s okay to admit it! Share your thoughts below.

3. Sometimes space or the “disinterest” from a man is simply because he is overwhelmed by our interest and he’s unsure how to process it.

He can’t say that it’s not what he wants, but he also leaves us guessing. He seems to enjoy the time together, but then also backs away at times. There are so many reasons why a man can come across as being uninterested when he actually is.

Regardless of if it’s because of his past hurts, baggage, fears, having room in our lives for love, or even if we are coming on too strong – the most important message is to remember it’s not because we have done anything wrong.

4. Some men need to start relationships slowly and be given space, especially in the beginning.

It doesn’t mean that he isn’t interested or that you are turning him off. At times it’s because slow is the only speed they know. It’s the only way to move through what is happening without pushing it away altogether.

The important aspect of relationships and love is that the success of the relationship has nothing to do with anything you do or don’t do. This means that while we become anxious or doubt ourselves, the important thing to remember is to be ourselves without censoring anything that we would say or do, and also not making ourselves do something that feels unnatural.

If the relationship is going to work, it will, regardless of anything that occurs. If he falls in love with you, it won’t be for anything in particular.

Relationships only work out because two people are in the same place at the same time who both decided to choose to do the work necessary. They occur because both people are ready, and they decide to communicate their fears instead of running from them.

While it’s easy in some ways to say he isn’t that interested, call him a fool and move on, the reality is that may not be what you should do. If we approach relationships with the idea that they are for growth instead of looking at what he is doing, stop to consider what his behavior is trying to show or teach you about yourself. Because often it’s the best relationships that start slow.