The 5 Step Technique That Will Help You Forgive a Relationship Even When You Don’t Want To

“It’s Not The Snakebite That Kills You, It’s The Venom”

Wow, “venom!” Sounds a little strong in the context of our love lives, eh? But stick with me, friend, because I want you to keep that analogy in the back of your mind. We are going to dive deep into this shortly.

You have probably heard that famous old saying, “forgive and forget.” Hmm, that old cliché. I know we roll our eyes at it sometimes, but let’s break it down.

I recognize the massive power of forgiveness, but to forget? Is that even possible or helpful for us, ladies? To intentionally erase experiences from your memory, especially if your partner “did you wrong” and deeply hurt you? Some experts might say there are situations where forgetting is a coping mechanism, particularly with deep trauma. Perhaps that is the case. However, I cant help but feel that trying to force yourself to forget causes undue pressure on your beautiful heart. It robs you of the opportunity to grow and become the grandest version of YOU!

The situation has happened, lady. You can’t turn back time (as much as we sometimes wish we could). The worst is behind you. It is your ability to learn from the experience that plays such an essential role in the art of forgiveness.

#RealTalk: Forgiveness sounds way easier said than done. Granted, it may take some time to move on. Nevertheless, using life’s obstacles and disappointments to provide you with perspective – rather than holding grudges or feeling emotionally burdened – is how you stand in your authentic, diamond-dazzling power!

If you have been following me for a while, you know I’m all about directing you TOWARDS your empowerment. Forgiveness is SO empowering, my lovely. Therefore, I’m going to show you how to regain your power by acknowledging past wounds. I want to leave you feeling confident in handling similar situations in your relationship should they ever pop up again.

Sound good? Fab! Because if any toxic unforgiving thoughts or heavy emotions about the past are holding you back, now is your opportunity to heal. It is time to let go of those negative patterns.

Let’s Chat, Lovely: Before we dive into the technique, I’d love to know – do you find it harder to forgive your partner or to forgive yourself? Drop a comment below. Your honesty might just help another woman realize she isn’t alone in this struggle.

The Snakebite Analogy: Understanding the Pain

Let’s go back to that quote I mentioned earlier.

“It’s Not The Snakebite That Kills You – It’s The Venom”

Think about it. Once a snake bites you, you’re bitten. It’s done. You can’t “un-bite” yourself. However, historically and biologically, it is not always the mechanical bite that kills us. We can get bitten by all kinds of animals and survive just fine.

But what is it about a poisonous snakebite that makes it lethal? It’s the venom.

So let’s put this into the context of our relationships. The bite is the situation that happened to you. The venom is the negative thoughts, resentment, and feelings that come with being deeply hurt by that situation.

The beautiful thing, lady, is that you can do something about it. You don’t have to allow that venom to run through your veins freely. When we feel wounded by others, it is like they pierce us and leave behind that emotional poison. If these thoughts and feelings (the venom) aren’t dealt with, they poison us slowly. They spoil how we see ourselves and how we see our relationship with our partner.

Forgiveness is the Anti-Venom

Venom is lethal, but forgiveness? That is your anti-venom.

Forgiveness is the healer. It is the cure. It’s the first thing you need to do to stop the emotional poison from taking hold of your spirit. So, if you are having difficulties dealing with the pain of wrongs done to you, forgive – it is your single best defense. If you forgive, it’s only a matter of time before you heal.

But let’s get this straight, ladies – to forgive doesn’t mean you are condoning your partner’s actions. Not at all! It means surrendering yourself to your feelings and freeing YOURSELF. It means you chose to carry the pain of the situation no longer. It means you are choosing peace. You are allowing yourself to be released, to be free, and to move on mentally, emotionally, and sometimes even physically.

You can begin to forgive your partner by holding the intention of seeing the positive aspects of them. Undeniably, when we are in the middle of a messy situation or feel deeply wounded, we can struggle to find any positive aspects. I get it. It’s hard.

While you may feel there are no positive aspects to your partner right now, or you cant figure out what to do to make you feel better, you always can figure out how it is you would like to FEEL. You know you would rather feel happy than sad, peace than anger, loving than unforgiving. There is so much that you have gone through in your life that has brought you to the place of knowing what you like better.

The ‘Positive Aspects’ Technique

Ready for a practical tool? The ‘Positive Aspects’ technique is a way of allowing you to raise your vibration. It helps shift your emotions about your partner and the situation to quickly bring you to a place of feeling good.

This is such a useful skill for using now and in any future situations. Why? Because when you have positive thoughts and you are feeling better more of the time, more things that you believe to be good will bleed into your relationship. It changes your whole vibe, darling.

The 5-Step Guide to Shift Your Perspective

Grab your journal or a cute notebook, and let’s do this together:

1. On the top of the page, write the name of your partner or a brief description of the situation that stung you.
2. As you focus on their name or the description, ask yourself these questions: What do I like about my partner/this situation? What good feelings do I get from my partner? What are the positive aspects here?
3. Then, gently and easily, begin writing down the thoughts that come to you. Don’t overthink it, just let them flow through you onto your paper.
4. Write as long as the feelings flow. Then, read what you have written and enjoy your own words. Soaking it in is key!
5. The next day, read what you wrote the day before. If new thoughts come to you about the person or situation, add to it.

Continue this process daily, ideally at the beginning of each day for a full week. Or hey, do it even longer if you feel it’s benefiting you and keeping you feeling positive and good!

We Want to Hear From You!
Have you ever used journaling to heal a heartache? Share your story in the comments below – your experience might help another woman navigate her own healing journey. Let’s support each other!

Don’t Forget to Forgive Yourself, Lady

Remember, forgiveness also includes forgiving yourself for unkind thoughts about you. We are often our own harshest critics, aren’t we?

If you are feeling very critical about yourself, not liking yourself, and continually focusing upon the negative aspects of your own experience, guess what happens? You begin to see in your partner many of the same things. It’s a mirror.

This spiral of negativity becomes your life experience, where the things that you like least in yourself are the things that you like least in your partner. Breaking this cycle starts with being gentle with your own beautiful soul.

You will be amazed at the ripple effect an ounce of forgiveness can have in your life and in your relationship. Once you apply the art of forgiveness, a whole new world of possibilities for you and your partner opens up.

Give yourself the gift of forgiveness today and set yourself free! You deserve it.

I hope you found this article ultra-valuable in some way. I would absolutely love for you to share your thoughts in the comments below. How do you practice letting go?

Wishing you the love, connection, and happiness you desire and deserve.